I Am Not Good With Goodbyes...Oh n BTW It's my Birthday!!!

It can't be here already! Please tell me it's not true! I am completely blown away with how fast it has gone yet in the same sense it feels like I've lived here forever. I can't begin to tell you how much the people here mean to me, but I'm gonna try! 

First off the caregivers. 

Wow. All I have to say is that they inspire me so incredibly much! They go through so much and deal with so much. And they bascically are helpin mold these kids futures. They give up two years of their lives to pour into these children. I have enjoyed getting to know every single one of them! Y'all are the best! I can't say how much I treasure y'all's friendship! God bless you! And y'all will always be in my prayers!! 

The children. 

Ok I may actually cry thinking about leaving them! The older girls have definitely become near and dear friends! And the children! My heart about rips out at the thought that I may likely never see them again this side of heaven. I just want to adopt every last one of them! There is this brother pair that I especially wish I could take home with me! I'm gonna miss their smiles, the hugs, the broken english, and truly just everything! Aww and my mentally handicapped kids! They have become very near and dear to me! There is something so special about their friendships! I love all the children so much! 

The church family

I was technically with the church plant. And even though I kinda felt intimidated by the older Mexicans, because I wasn't fluent in Spanish, they definitely became dear to me. I'm even gonna miss the hugs and cheek kisses from the little old ladies. (I've gotten so used to touching cheeks and air kissing every girl I meet down here whether I knew them or not that I think I might slip up a few times when I get home. Just a warning! :p) there are two new Christians down here, Rigo and Juan Carlos and they came around quite often. They are a blast and it was awesome watching them grow in Christ! I wasn't always able to communicate that well with them but we made it work! (thanks Anthony for translating so much for me!) 

There was also a family in the church that I got to know pretty well and have become dear friends to me! Hermano Martin and Hermana Reina and their children Aile, Lupita, and David! 

Hermana Reina has taken me under her wing although I will admit she has intimidated me a little simply because of the language gap. When she say something, she follows through. You cant  just pretend you understand and get away with it! But in all honesty she is so much fun and oh she is such a matchmaker. Anytime I would go over to her house she would try and tease me about Rigo, one of the new Christians. And she always had plenty of stories to tell! I love her laughs and her hugs! And she also taught me how to make tortillas and she is so incredibly patient! I'm truly gonna miss her! 

My Mexico Family 

The Yoders and Anthony too! I can't even say how much this family means to me!! Loren is such a funny guy but also leads his family and church so well! He is such a tease too! 

Donna, oh I could take about Donna for awhile. I've gone through a lot down here. And she has walked me through so much of it. She was so patient with me and an incredible listener! She is a hard worker, cares for everybody, is always willing to help and her family simply adores her! :) her friendship is vey dear to me! 

Caleb! I got to go to Ebi with Caleb so I knew him a little before which truly helped so much with coming down here! Caleb is awesome! He is really smart and really talented in sports and music. He is a great example and role model for his brothers. And he sings all the time. Which was cool! :) omw and he is like a Professional shopper! He knows all the deals in Choix and helps save his family a lot of money! 

Kedric!! Oh Keddy. Keddy has the best sense of humor! I'm always waiting to hear what whitty thing he is gonna say next! I'd often hear him say "es broma! Es broma!" It's a joke! it's a joke! :) he also has one of the best memories I've ever seen. The guy can quote movies and Odessy like nobody's business! And he is crazy talented and dedicated at playing soccer! 

Kyle! Lol Kyle! Oh that kid! We have had it out a few times but I adore this kid but of course never tell him that. He will get a big head! :) he is one of the biggest people person I have ever seen and always loves being where the action Is! He loves his dogs (cappuccina and charcoal) and his cat Pouchy the 3rd. We banter back and forth like nobody's business about everything and anything. I always win of course! Right Kyle? ;) 

Anthony is the guy church worker down here and he is awesome! He is a crazy talented singer and guitarist! He made a music video with the kids from the orphanage! I can't wait till they upload it to youtube so I can show y'all! It was inspiring watching him serve The Lord down here. He has poured hours into the church and the new believers! Thanks for all you do Anthony!  

I'm gonna miss so much stuff when I go home. I truly believe I'm gonna suffer culter shock! 

I'm gonna miss. 

-Good Soda

-Real torillas

-Mexican tacos!!!

-Mexican food in general

-The warmth and friendliness of the people of Mexico

-Speaking Spanish

-the little stores

-The tight knit community established here 

-Having friends nearby and having different people around me all the time! (At home I live an hour from most of my friends and church family. :/ Thats gonna be one of the hardest things going home. Because here everybody is like at the very most 15 min away! How I've treasured that.)

-The mountains surrounding Choix! 

-The heat (come winter I'm gonna be wishing I stayed in Mexico!)

-the roof! Especially at night! It's so fun being up here! I love the stars! I'm up on the roof right now! I wanted to spent my last hour of being a teenager at my favorite spot at our house! 

Speaking of my bday! Wow I'm soon gonna no longer be a teenager! That's huge! My childhood is forever over! Time to face the real world. But with God's strength I think I'm ready! 

I spent my last day as a teenager with my Mexico family and I made cookies and in the afternoon we handed out little christian magazines in Choix for two or so hours.

 the we had a birthday supper for me! Shrimp fettuccini and apple crisp and oh! We even turned the AC on! It was so much fun and we finished the night off with vball out back! I'm so incredibly blessed! 

And here it is! 12:00 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! ;) Gracias Padre por todos! 

Beginning of the End

I have 2 1/2 weeks left down here. I just wanna cry! You have no idea how badly I am gonna miss these people and just Choix and Mexico in general! My heart just aches at the thought of leaving but then my heart yearns for home and to see family and friends and church again and start the next stage of my life. I just realized I have less than 2 weeks of being a teenager left. That's truly huge for me because it kinda like ok Beth you are not a kid anymore. You really need to start growing up. I can't wait to get home and put to practise the skills I learned down here. I've learned I really enjoy cooking and sewing. And I want to get back into playing guitar and piano. I have the possibility of starting college to look forward to and chae rim coming and LBS. I'm glad I'm not going home to the unknown. I have options in front of me.

The Yoders have been away the last two weeks and just returned today. Don't tell them but I missed them a lot! It's gonna be hard on me to leave them. Anyway so Vaughn had been living with me and Anthony was around a lot as well as the caretakers on their days off. So I wasn't here alone very much. It was a time where I got to know the workers a little better. It was kinda fun just having the house to ourselves. 

I went to El Fuerte today with Diana, one of the caretakers, and I found a ton of cheap fabric! I'm so excited I can't wait to get home and start sewing! The question is how am I gonna have room for it all??? Yikes. El Fuerte is a beautiful historic colorful town! It is about 45 minute bus ride from Choix and it's a nice place to go to just get away for a little bit. 

Tomorrow we have a DNI group coming for about 10 days and 4 of the people were at EBI with me! So I'm really excited to have them around for a bit. 

I just want to mention on average it's about 108 degrees down here lately! That's HOT!!!!!!!!!! 

Stuff is gonna start wrapping up here as much as I want to stop time. Every good thing must come to an end. Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened! :D 

Later y'all 

6 Months Ago My World Collapsed Again...

6 months ago my world collapsed....again... 

I can't get that day out of my mind. It was an beautiful Sunday. Amanda and I were babysitting two children and and the ride home from church had been so fun as we played fun songs, laughed, and enjoyed the ride. I remember thinking what a fun Sunday It was turning out to be and I was so stoked for our ugly sweater Christmas party we were having that night. I had been looking forward to it for weeks! We hadn't been home more than an hour before we got the call that reaked havoc on our lives once again. Dad called and Amanda and I answered with speaker phone and start using silly voices and goofing off. Dad asked me to turn it off speaker phone and Amanda went into the living room with the kids. And then came the words that hit me like déjà vu and that I haven't been able to get out of my head.... Dale died. Two words were all he said. My mind went wheeling and I instantly asked if it was a different dale we knew. And dad replied with the dreaded words that it was his brother Dale. My mind exploded! Dad didn't have any other details so he said they'd be home in 20 min. I slowly set down my phone. And then it hit hard like a somebody hit me in the gut. All I could do was scream and maybe if I drown out those words that I could unhear them and they would no longer be true. NOOOO NOT AGAIN!!!! NOOO THIS AINT HAPPENING ITS A DREAM. Amanda came running out hoping she had misheard my convo with dad. Is it Uncle Dale? She asked shakily. I can't handle the emotions running through me, I could only nod and continue to freak out. Amanda quickly realized the kids were getting scared and that strong little sister of mine told me to go upstairs till I could calm down and that she would take care of them. I couldn't do anything but comply. I ran as hard as I could to my room and broke. Praise The Lord Dalen and Merletta arrived less than 5 min later. I ran downstairs. They had already heard... Merletta came to me immediately and wrapped me in a huge hug and I just bawled. Dalen went to Amanda's side as Amanda was finally letting herself break. After they left, I didn't know how to handle myself. Looking back I wish I could have just been there for Amanda but Instead I ran to my friends. I called my 3 best friends up bawling with the news. I was so scared. The words that were running through my head were NO NOT AGAIN. PLEASE I CANT HANDLE THE PAIN AGAIN. I DONT WANT TO WATCH MY DAD WALK THIS PATH AGAIN. IT WAS HARD ENOUGH LAST TIME. THIS HAS GOT TO BE A CRUEL JOKE OR NIGHTMARE. Mom and Dad arrived then and we just sat together on the couch, held each other and cried and cried. After a bit they decided they must go over to be with the family. I couldn't bring myself to go along. I didn't want to live that nightmare again. All the tears and the sobbing and shock. I called my cousin to find it if she was there yet only to find out that they hadn't heard yet and to also find out that it was my young cousins birthday today.... After talking to Bethany and Dallas, Bethany convinced me to go to be with the family and that I shouldn't be home alone. I remember the 15 min drive, looking back it prob wasn't safe for me to be driving. My legs were like jello. I was so weak. I put on the loudest songs I had and just blared them and took those back roads pretty fast. Everybody arrived at the same time to Uncle Dales house. By then I had been informed that it had happened at Dales oldest son's house. They were all just eating supper with the whole family including grand kids. (Except his daughter and her husband hadn't been able to make it) when he suddenly has an aortic aneurism. He was gone in seconds. The emts tried thier best to bring him back. 

Let me explain a lite bit, Dale's and my family grew up on the farm together for most our lives until a lil less than 5 years ago. So Dallas had grown up beside Dal's sons and Dale was like a second father to him growing up. And the boys were like brothers. 

Like I said we all arrived at Dales around the same time. I pulled in right after Dallas's. I remember my 6 foot 3 brother embracing Justin, Dale's second oldest son who is more built and taller than Dallas, and them both just crying and hugging each other tightly. I will never forget that memory. The rest of the night was spent supporting each other as a family. We were all crying, in shock and just in need of each other. 

It was all to much for me. I had to get out and breath so I ended up grabbing my sister going to the ugly sweater party cuz I needed my friends so bad!! I got there and the girls swarmed me with hugs. They helped me be distracted for a little while before I knew I had to go and join the family. But before I left they placed my sister and I in the middle of the circle and everybody prayed for us. I have never felt as loved by my youth group as I did in that moment. True brethren in Christ. The viewing and funeral went by in a teary blur. I went back to worked the next day after the death. Worst mistake of my life. I ended up after being scolded by both my managers breaking down in sobs of tears because I was already emotionally unstable and having to go home. It was all I could not to quit on the spot.

I had so many people supporting me though. My best friend came the very next day with a HUGE 4 foot teddy bear for me and that meant the world and more to me. I don't think she even realize what that did for me. His name is Gu and he may just be a giant stuffed bear but he symbolizes all the support of so many people. I want to thank everyone for all the support during his time! 

I really had no time to grieve because 3 weeks later I was arriving at Ebi and was flung into the craziness of bible school. One day midterm I was alone in my dorm and looked at the picture of my uncle and everything hit me again but I started feeling the beginning of healing after I took the time to write a farewell letter to my uncle. Asking him how heaven was and what it was like to see Kenton completely healed and To thank him for everything he has done for us and the family and to recall some fun child hood memories I had of him. I ended up in tears and right then my two amazing roommates showed then and thy just hugged me and let me cry. It's so hard walking around with a torn heart but having to smile and act like everything is all right so you don't make other people feel uncomfortable. Especially when your surrounded by 70 people your age who all have their own problems. 

And y'all know my story that I barely had time to breath after Ebi before I was here in Mexico. So I haven't been home much. I haven't seen as much of the pain in my parents and grandparents Dales family's faces. I kinda feel sometimes that I ran away from it. But I know they know I didn't do it purposely. Before January 10th I rarely cried. I couldn't even make myself cry. I just don't deal with death easy. I found out last minute that I was to attend a funeral down here with the church and I didn't have time to prepare myself and ended up breaking down for the first time since Ebi. I can't handle Funerals. I ended up not going and staying home all day to cry, grieve, and heal. I have a few friends that just lost somebody extremely dear to them and watching how they responded has encouraged and helped me so much through this. Last year when my other uncle was killed I was actually dating and he was truly a Godsend at the time. I don't know how I would have made it through without him. Unfortunately our lives did go in different directions and this time I internalized a lot more of the pain but I'm still finding healing slowly. Thanks for everybody's support and love. I'm extremely blessed to have the friends and church I have. Thanks for hearing my heart out. I hope I didn't make you cry to much. I will say that a year that started off so HORRIFIC is turning into an amazing year! And only God can be thanked for that!!! Thanks y'all! Love y'all!!! 

"This is where the healing begins, oh 

This is where the healing starts 

When you come to where you're broken within 

The light meets the dark"

The Low Parts are A Part of Life

 You have your highs and you have your lows. It's all a part of life. So the last couple week or so was a very low time for me. I was sick physically and mentally. I was rather depressed I kind of hit a sort of rock bottom and called out for help. The song healing begins really helped me through it. Things are really starting to look up again and in the dark time I got to courage to call out for help and it's getting better!! I have some very good friends and parents that helped me through it. 

Since finding out my date that I'm coming home. I've been thinking a lot about it. The sad reality that some of these friends that I treasure so much I may never see again and I may soon be forgotten. Sometimes while I'm with them I just try to memorize their faces so I never forget them. I don't do good with the reality that friends come and go. Every friend I make is special to me and I don't do good with goodbyes. My departure date is actually a month earlier than was exspected because of my passport expiring halfway through July and the only people going up to the states leave very beginning of January but Donna is actually getting a WATER girl at the beginning of July so I'm not really as needed as much then. Looking back, my time here is actually relatively short but I'm glad to have been able to help out where I could and I've experienced and learned so much. It's funny how if you put yourself in a different position than normal you start learning stuff about yourself and you start growing and changing. I'm not quite the same girl I was when I came down here. 

1rst time:

waking up with a huge cockroach on me 

Baking a pie

Taking care of a handicap child

Changing a dirty diaper

Going to a Mexican doctor's office 

Making meals daily for people. 

Having little brothers

Going to a children's home 

Playing soccer with Mexican children

Making tortillas

Eating Mexican food

Listening to this much Spanish

Sewing my own skirt

Eating field corn. 

Attending a quinceañera 

Taking care of a house for 2 weeks. 

And others I can't remember at the moment. 

One sad thing that did happen while I was here was a man from the church had a puppy that was sick. So we kept him on our roof to keep him away from other dogs. He became my fast friend. One day he got to close to the edge and fell off and ended up breaking his leg and we thought he was dying from internal damage. I thought they would have to shoot him. I'll admit I cried. But they decided to wait and he ended up pulling through and is doing so well!! *happy dance* he jut went home the other day!! :) 

What happens next???  Well Mexico has taught me a lot! I'm not entirely sure what comes next. Except Lord willing I will start the process of entering collage as soon as I get home. If all ones as planned I want to look into getting a bachelors in English. Which kinda blows my mind because English was not exactly my favorite subject. I admit I'm quite nervous and scared but also excited to be able to work toward getting my bachelors. Hehe I always said I would never go to college. Right now I'm looking into working with college plus, taking clep tests and online classes and maybe some classes at HACC. We shall see. I'm still new with this whole college thing. I'm hoping to take my new love for preparing food and use it even more at home and get really good at it. I'm really learned to enjoy cooking. Especially cooking cultural foods. There are some issues in my life that have come to my attention and I'm hoping to maybe see a counselor for a little bit. I think that could do me some good. I need to find a part time job. I'll probably look into cleaning jobs cuz I heard those are pretty flexible with college life. I've decided to downgrade to a cheap dumb phone that meets my basic needs as college bills are going to start arriving. I've learned down here that shockingly you can live without a smart phone!! :O 

Well the Yoders have left for two weeks vacation so Anthony and I are holding down the fort here. And then at night Vaughn comes and stays here with me so that I'm not by myself. Don't tell them this but I woke up Monday morning and was like *sigh* I miss the Yoders. :) Vaughn and I have taken over the parents room cuz they have AC!!!!! It's such a beautiful thing since the weather has been peaking at 106 lately. I was afraid I'd get bored with all the Yoder's gone but I've found myself rather occupied. Vaughn captured a hilarious picture of me trying to wash my couch cover in the shower. And I'm taking care of all the animals and plants and cleaning. Today I'm taking care of Boni for the last time as his caretakers are getting home from their two month break on Saturday. And yesterday was a interesting day for me. As some of you know I got bloodwork done on Friday and I've been kinda aloof as to why I got it done. Well my mom contacted me last Wednesday saying she had talked with her friend and that her daughter was struggling with some of the same physical issues I've been struggling with. Mom suggested that I may be dealing with under active thyriods. I immediately looked up the symptoms and immediately hope filled my heart. Had we finally, finally figured out what I've been struggling with. When I saw the symptoms my mouth dropped. I dealt with almost every one. I was floored but I dared not hope cuz I was tired of getting tests done and spending my parents money only to find out that there is nothing wrong with me even though I knew something wasn't right. Anyway I found out that it would be quicker cheaper and easier to get my bloodwork done here in Mexico. So Friday we just walked across the street into the lab and he took my blood and I was out 15 min later. I spent the next couple days trying not to obsess or worry about the results. Then on Monday around 6 I went over and got my results but I read them wrong and I thought is said that my levels are normal and it depressed me something awful. How funny is that. I was sad that I'm "ok". But later that night I read my result off to my mom and turns out they are quite low and as soon as I get home I'm gonna go see a doctor about it. I'm so excited!! I truly pray that this helps!!! 

Sunday. Sunday was a good and a hard day for me. I attended a funeral. I was asked to attend a funeral a few weeks ago but it was last minute and I kind of had a break down at the thought of attending a funeral. I really hate funerals. The memories are too fresh. But I was able to get myself to attend this one. A lady in the church lost her sister to, I believe it was a tumor. The funeral was definitely a cultural experience for me. You go and just stand around for a while at the house. Kinda like a viewing and then they have the somebody talk and then we walk to the graveside. We first walk around the house then head to the graveyard. The walk was pretty far and smart me didn't bring water along and it had peaked at 105 that day. I thought I was gonna drop from the heat. When we reached the grave they handed out water bottles but there wasn't near enough for everybody so I didn't get one. A guy must have noticed I wasn't  looking good or something because he came and handed me a bottle. I was never so happy to see water! They sang songs and Loren talked a bit and then they lowered her down and poured cement on top. The bawling and the tears really go to me. But I must say the view was AMAZING!!! 

Well that all for now. Sorry for the randomness. And mixed thoughts. 

Cheerfully Bethany